Lonely? Adopt a Middle Aged Daughter
March 18th, 2008
Submitted By: Andrew Steen
Recently, Chinese parents prefer girls to boys. For centuries, Chinese families have preferred male children because they can work on the farms, and earn more than females (and not transfer it to their husbands). But with the amount of empty nesters in China rising, urban couples are becoming less in need of income, and more in need of companionship.
Since 1979, most Chinese couples have been limited to only one child. And with the parent’s entire resources and attention showered upon a single child, the youth become more educated, but at the same time more self-oriented. This results in more Chinese young adults moving out of the country in search of jobs, while leaving their parents alone with the empty nest. In China, the children are supposed to care for their parents as they get old, but the recent Newsweek article, China’s New Empty Nest , states that “forty-two percent of Chinese families in 2005 consisted of an old couple living alone, according to the National Bureau of Statistics.” And since it’s still considered shameful to live in a nursing home, urban parents are beginning to prefer a loyal girl, to a boy who will leave them in search of riches.
This increase in parental abandonment has led some lonely couples to place classified ads seeking new daughters. The Zhendong family was “lonely and lost,” so they wrote an ad titled, “Elderly couple desperately seeking daughter.” But they clarified that they don’t want a maid, just someone to hang out with and keep them company. Another couple, Wu Shaoqui and his wife, began “adopting” daughters in 2006, and now they have three who visit them on weekends and holidays to play cards, chit-chat, and have a good time. Sounds like a great arrangement, but what are the social implications of the shift away from the century old social security system based on filial piety?
China is already experiencing a surge of national programs that promote respect for the elderly. So does this mean that a few years of capitalism, and its opportunities to gain wealth abroad, is enough for Chinese sons and daughters to disregard thousands of years of tradition an honor? The world already views America as an indulgent country with few non-material values. Is China headed in this direction? If so, is it because of capitalism, or globalization, or education, or media, or something else? Or do young adults still honor their parents, but in a modern way?
Entry Filed under: Pre-Departure, Beijing, China
7 Comments Add your own
1. Jesse Dundon | March 18th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Great post. Its a very interesting phenomenon, and makes you wonder if the party really thought about the long term ramifications of the one child rule.
Do you really blame the sons for leaving, and is it really that bad? In times of change, the young adults are going to be the pioneers, the ones traveling West (or in the case of China, East), the ones crossing the Atlantic, etc… So when an opportunity arises to create a better life, sometimes one just needs to move on. If the whole country still followed the idea of filial piety to a T, the country would not be progressing as rapidly as it is. So in answer to your question, I would say that the young adults are honoring their parents in a modern way, and that is by seeking, and hopefully finding, a better life for future generations.
2. Sarah Ybarra | March 19th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
It is an unfortunate experience for parents when their children move out of the country. It is fortunate that these lonely couples are able to “adopt” daughters. Naturally I agree with the statement the article makes about girls being more thoughtful, loyal and better caregivers. However, I think that respect for elders is still engrained in Chinese culture for both men and women. Parents are continuing to be honored but in a more modern way. Times have changed and the composition of the modern Chinese family has been altered causing people to grow up being more individualistic. This change to single child families also makes the responsibility fall on to one individual rather than splitting it between several. This may give the impression that parents are not being taken care of by their children. My dad is one of eight so there is always someone present to care for his parents. If a similar rule had taken place here, and there was only one person to take care of his parents, no matter how loyal or dedicated they were, they could not possibly provide the care that the eight combined provide.
3. Chris Kirk | March 19th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Very interesting post. The idea of adopting younger “daughters” is something that I would have never thought about. The fact that many children from families are moving out of the country to find jobs and are leaving their parents behind comes with the territory so to speak. As China has begun to expand, more quality college graduates are entering the world market for jobs and are willing to change countries and continents. This phenomenon has put pressure on the typical family traditions of the Chinese. I think this can be observed in any developing country or economy - as students are prepared for work, they will go to wherever their work is needed. There have been a few posts that have talked about more students leaving the country for work and some posts about how more students are staying in China to help “make China great again”. I am interested to see if this trend stays the course over the next few years or if the ideals of the Chinese family weathers the storm.
4. Adam WIndham | March 19th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Interesting idea. Although, I’m curious what the young adults who are being “adopted” get out of this deal? I can understand where the parents are coming from; they want someone who will spend time with them in their old age. Also these couples have said that they don’t need anyone to take care of them so I’m assuming that these adopted children aren’t written into the will or anything. Are the young adults simply content to have a “parental” presence in their life that they would go spend their weekend with complete strangers (in the beginning)? Or is it some form of guilt they feel since they are unable to perform their duties as a child (visiting parents, taking care of them, etc.) because they live so far away that they are compelled to perform them for someone? Or maybe they’re like anyone that leaves the nest and sets of on their own and just long for a home cooked meal from time to time.
5. Andria Greenlee | March 20th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I just read Amy’s post on “Too Many Men in China” and there are some interesting differences in viewpoints on girls vs boys in China. The article on Amy’s post suggests that the Chinese typically see men as more desirable offspring than women. This article is an interesting compliment as it highlights a completely different portion of Chinese society, the elderly. We don’t hear much about the older, retired folks in China, as the massive business development stories seem to overshadow other cultural elements. This group represents a large chunk of the Chinese population that need a younger person to help take care of them. Many women are happy to provide companionship and assistance to others out of the goodness of their hearts, one could argue that this presents a potential business opportunity. Because Chinese view nursing homes as shameful, I could see many Chinese women (and men!) making a good living taking care of these senior citizens in the comfort of their own homes.
Regardless, Andrew and Amy have both raised very interesting points about the gender gap in China.
6. seha | May 28th, 2008 at 5:54 am
i would like to have kind elderly parents any nationality to adopt me.I am simple smiling empathetic and a good listener and craving for parental affection and attention.m middleaged but very childlike and naughty
7. Miriam | June 4th, 2008 at 8:20 am
I think it would be okward to adopt someone almost as old as you. But I do like this post. Very interesting. I disagree with China’s One Child Policy. It is a violation of human rights.
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