You Bad, Bad Sick Person …
October 7th, 2008
Not really. Just the title hook I used to try and get your attention. Now that I have done so ….
I have made many gaffes in China, and here in the US when interacting with overseas Chinese. One of my first gaffes was to assume my Chinese friends and colleagues were as open to discussing their or a family member’s illness as I was used to in the USA.
Wrong assumption. I quickly learned to look before I so leap or so speak.
See this very good front page Wall Street Journal article [subscription required], In Some Cultures, Cancer Stirs Shame, to learn more about why.
Your thoughts? Any similar experiences or gaffes out there we can learn from?
Entry Filed under: Pre-Departure, China
4 Comments Add your own
1. Dan | October 9th, 2008 at 6:00 am
My thoughts are that this just shows how difficult it can be to deal with another culture. I would have assumed the exact opposite because the Chinese I know are always so quick to discuss things we Westerners are reluctant to discuss (like salaries, unfavorable comments to people about their appearance….)
2. Chris Carr | October 12th, 2008 at 7:34 am
Good points, Dan. I did not make that connection but that has also been my experience — being bombarded with questions in China about how much I make, witnessing unfavorable comments being made relating to physical appearance (including my own), etc. Indeed, said gaffes go both ways and are found and made in both cultures.
3. Amy Cook | October 29th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
This post caught my eye because I seem to have committed one of these gaffes recently. I was at a party and was socializing in a group of young people (probably all in their early to mid 20’s) when we began to talk about our ages. We all willingly shared our age with the exception of one Chinese woman in the group. I then directly asked her how old she was and got the, (quite serious) response, “Don’t you know you should never ask a Chinese woman how old she is?”. Actually, I didn’t know and I was a little taken aback. I apologized for my gaffe, but was a little embarrassed.
Later I began thinking about what else I didn’t know about Chinese cultural norms and what other questions I should avoid asking while we are traveling this summer or while socializing with Chinese Americans. An internet search revealed quite a bit of information for travelers considering the recent Olympic Games in Beijing. I was confused however, upon finding a CNN.com article entitled “Olympic Etiquette: Eight Don’t Asks”. The article was about posters which had been posted throughout Beijing prior to the 2008 Olympic Games. The posters were part of government measures to clean up China’s image. They listed eight questions locals should not ask foreign guests; the list included personal questions about salary, love life, health, income, political views, religious beliefs, personal experiences or age. The article inferred that these were topics the Chinese generally discussed with strangers, but were being asked not to present them to tourists.
I continued researching the topic since I had originally been convinced I would easily find information warning travelers not to discuss age with Chinese women. Finally, I came across a book entitled, “Encountering the Chinese: A Guide for Americans” by Hu Wenzhong and Cornelius Lee Grove and got some clarification. According to the book, the Chinese do not generally consider age a sensitive topic and you are likely to be asked your age in China. However, there is one exception: Do not ask a middle-aged woman how old she is. Similarly, do not ask a woman who appears to be in her late twenties or early thirties whether she is married or has children, if she does not, it may be a sensitive subject.
I am hoping this information saves other students the (however slight) embarrassment of making this mistake and reminds us all to keep these details in mind. The article on the Olympics was also a good illustration of the previous point that these mistakes go both ways. The good news is that if you commit one of these gaffes, you’ll only do it once.
4. Ed Halbert | December 5th, 2008 at 11:32 am
My thoughts are that this just shows how difficult it can be to deal with another culture
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